Drowning
by Heavy Metal Queen
Summary: Just a short AU fic


As I sit here in the office, the tiny piece of paper littered with tears and crumpled in my hands, I just cant think

As I sit here in the office, the tiny piece of paper littered with tears and crumpled in my hands, I just cant think. My soul flies against me, my heart screaming No! But it's true...by the cruel hand of God, its true. I don't know how long the racking sobs have torn through me, but it must have been quite awhile. Quatre came and squeezed my shoulder, setting a plate of food beside me. It still sits there, untouched and cold. I never did turn on the light, so as the room slips into darkness, I slip further into my depression. I feel Trowa's hands upon my hair, stroking it gently in hopes to make the sobs stop. Finally, a few minutes later, he walks away just as silently as he came. From the concerned voices out side, I realize I have been sobbing loudly for hours. My throat was ragged and hoarse, my eyes puffy and red as fresh tears follow the path. I vaguely wonder how long it will be before Wufei comes in here, trying to calm me. They all know though, that this is it. I can hear Quatre's soft sobs in the room next door. At least Trowa can comfort him, make him realize his life will go on. But mine, mine will not. The paper is still clutched in my hand, soggy and ripped. I didn't stop to think someone else might want it. This is my poison; the thing that will rip me as surely from life as it did him. Duo Maxwell, the braided angel, was gone. Died in his sleep they said. I don't believe. My sweet Shinigami could never go that easily, not him, not like that. I hear the door creak silently open, and expect to hear Wufei's uncomfortable attempt to stop the awful noises I know must be pouring from my lips. Around my aching sobs, which I cannot even control anymore, I strain to hear his breathing, his footsteps, anything. But the sound that greets me is silence, deep bitter silence. I know this should tip me off to the slender boy standing behind me, but it doesn't. I'm too lost in my own grief to even think coherently. Finally I feel strong arms encircle my waist gently and I freeze, a sob dying mid way. He freezes as well, shocked at my response. " Solo..." His voice is still that same monotone but the undertones are rich with pain and anguish I know all too well. We both shared the same love of the Braided boy; both needing him in ways that cannot be explained. For a time, I was jealous, mad with pain that he had won Duo's heart. But then my pain subsided and my true intentions shone forth, and to me, as well as Hiirou, Duo's true happiness was all that mattered. His embrace is so soft, so sweet, and now I can understand how Duo could slip away and drown in the wonderful sensations that are Hiirou Yuy...no! I cannot think like this...not now. Not with him. Even when I tense in his arms, he doesn't let go, in fact, he pulls me closer and sets his head upon my shoulder, silent as death himself. " Hiirou...I..." That is all I can utter before the waves of grief overtake me once again and I'm falling, I sink to me knees, my whole life crumbling around me. But he falls to, still holding me, slipping me into his lap as rocks gently back and forth, telling me its ok to cry. I can't help but laugh bitterly around my tears as he utters a phrase that had slipped past Duo's lips more times than I could ever count. He seems to understand and softly whispers his apologies, a string of Japanese curses slipping past his lips as he realizes the full force of his words. Drowning in a sea of deep grays and icy blacks, I'm thrown back into reality by something cold and wet hitting my shoulder. No... It can't be...he's....goddamn it all, Hiirou Yuy was crying. Not the deep soul shattering sobs that had filled this very room not too long ago, but the tears of a man, who has lost his lifeline, and it just slowly waiting to drown, just like me. Just like me...before I know what I am doing, I have turned myself around in his arms, bloodshot jade meeting liquid ice blue. Confusion, fear, pain and hopelessness all float through them, mirroring feelings that match my very soul. Almost at the same instant, we seem to realize....we're kindred spirits, so much in common, it's almost eerie. We sit there in silence for a few long moments, just watching one another. Finally, I make the first move. My eyes slide shut as my lips meet his of their own accord. Our tears mingle on our lips, both breathing in the taste of one another. It feels as if someone reached within my hell and grabbed me, pulling my head above the surface. I could breathe again. Almost as quickly as it started, it was gone. Both our breaths seemed to come in short gasps, his eyes mirroring the confusion I know mine must hold. We both love Duo so much, and yet here we are, finding comfort in one another. Was it wrong? I wouldn't know, my soul is too empty to distinguish right from wrong right about now. But what I can tell you is, is that my lips are burning with the fiery sensations of him, the salt of his tears still upon my tongue. I watch a myriad of emotions fly through those Prussian orbs, unable to settle upon one thing. I sit there, waiting with bated breath, unable to decide if he was going to punch me or kiss me. Finally, he decided. Our lips met in a desperate kiss, two lost souls looking for a bit of a lifeline to keep our heads above the water. Can we keep each other afloat for long? Who knows? Only time can tell, and until then, I'll just have to keep drowning.


End file.
